I don’t know anymore if it is a good thing to have experienced most of the world at 23. I don’t know if it’s to my benefit that I’ve lived alone (whether working or just immersing myself in that city for at least 2 months) in a number of foreign places at 23. The experiences have opened my eyes, have changed my view on things, have made me who I am, but at the same time I now feel displaced. I don’t know where home is anymore.
People say that home is where the heart is, but when there’s not all that much heart for one, then what can we say brings us home? I love my dad, and he is in Singapore, but I feel like an outsider in my supposed home country. I don’t feel accepted or like I fit in with the rest of the people back “home”. I like being in Melbourne, but I can’t see myself here forever; there’s just something missing in this place. There’s no… magic, not the magic that gravitates me towards Hong Kong. I’d pick moving to Hong Kong and starting my adult life there, but there’s still something missing.
Am I doing this wrong? Am I looking for something that will never be there? I wonder if my search to find a place for myself is deluded.
I feel lost, I’m 23 and I have no idea what I want to do with my life. My student life ends in less than a year and I’m supposed to know what I want. After all, my dad has invested in me at least a quarter of a million, and all I can say is “I want to be somewhere that feels right to me”.
Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.
I want to look into someone’s eyes and feel the world melt away from me. I someone who I want to understand, someone who would frustrate the living daylights out of me trying to figure him out.
I just want someone who has the ability to possess all of me, all my heart, shattered pieces included.
I wake up every morning complaining about life and what I’ve been dealt with. I don’t spend enough time appreciating the people around me and what they do for me and how they strengthen and support me. So here, I’d like to thank everyone who’s been here for me
Val, fate has decided that I need you in my life. I’m thankful to have found you again and am keeping you forever. Sorry, you’re stuck with me.
Yang, you’ve been there through everything and anything and the fact that you’re still here is enough said. Love!
Ching, you never fail to nag me to my senses and you’ve never let me go, thank you
My favorite “girls” (A, C, K) you guys know me inside out and upside down and still support me through life. You guys are amazing!!
The bubble family, it hasn’t been long but your acceptance and genuineness never fails to touch me. Thank you <3
K and B, there’s nothing I can say to express my loyalty and love for the both of you, but I can promise you me
Everyone else who’s touched me and been here for me, you are not forgotten. I hope I’ve been as much as a friend you expect me to be, or more. I might get distant, I might get grumpy, but in my heart, I remember everything that you’ve done for me, the moments we’ve shared and the bonds we’ve forged. If I haven’t been a good enough friend to you, I pray that my birthday wish for 2010 comes true right now; that God will grant me the Grace to be a better friend, confidante and person.
“People don’t want their lives fixed. Nobody wants their problems solved. Their dramas. Their distractions. Their stories resolved. Their messed cleaned up. Because what would they have left? Just the big scary unknown.”
- Chuck Palanuik
So the next time we ask ourselves why we attract drama because we really don’t want to deal with anything, it is just our subconscious speaking.
in my haze of homesickness, i came across this video and now i can’t stop crying. though my dad has not the slightest inkling as to what i’m going through, his care and concern eases the pain a little. it’s the small things that he does for me that touches me to my very core. from going out in the rain to buy me lunch, to waking up at 7am to send me to the gym after breakfast. he’s definitely made me reliant on him and a complete daddy’s girl. so thank You Daddy God for gracing and blessing me with a wonderful earthly father
daddy, i’m sorry for the disappointments i’ve sent your way, sorry for the fights i pick with you. thank you for putting up with me and for undeservingly spoiling me. i love you and i don’t want you to ever let go of my hand. so please, can i stay home forever and be babied by you forever?
the number of times you have disappointed me as a friend is ridiculous. i don’t ask you for much, just that you live up to your promises. you’ve not only left me stranded now, but you’ve left my friend stranded. it’s 2 weeks to go, and it’s peak season. what am i supposed to do?
The more I see of you, the more I realize I like being around you. I like how silly you are, and how I just wanna run into you and tell you to stop and see I’m right here. It’s nice to believe again
b: it's all been planned out for u bum. cuz it's u, u get to pick if i get u from the airport or ifc. remember, it's u, k and me against time. just like always
