I don’t know anymore if it is a good thing to have experienced most of the world at 23. I don’t know if it’s to my benefit that I’ve lived alone (whether working or just immersing myself in that city for at least 2 months) in a number of foreign places at 23. The experiences have opened my eyes, have changed my view on things, have made me who I am, but at the same time I now feel displaced. I don’t know where home is anymore.

People say that home is where the heart is, but when there’s not all that much heart for one, then what can we say brings us home? I love my dad, and he is in Singapore, but I feel like an outsider in my supposed home country. I don’t feel accepted or like I fit in with the rest of the people back “home”. I like being in Melbourne, but I can’t see myself here forever; there’s just something missing in this place. There’s no… magic, not the magic that gravitates me towards Hong Kong. I’d pick moving to Hong Kong and starting my adult life there, but there’s still something missing.

Am I doing this wrong? Am I looking for something that will never be there? I wonder if my search to find a place for myself is deluded.

I feel lost, I’m 23 and I have no idea what I want to do with my life. My student life ends in less than a year and I’m supposed to know what I want. After all, my dad has invested in me at least a quarter of a million, and all I can say is “I want to be somewhere that feels right to me”.

I’m so tired of making sure that everyone’s feelings aren’t hurt. Would anyone think of how I’d feel before they go ahead and do whatever it is they do? Just this month, I’ve held in so much frustration I could implode, but no, no one really cares. I hold it in not because I can’t deal with a confrontation, but rather I do not want to hurt others. I feel a lot… A whole lot of random small things affect me and I don’t want my disorder or inability to keep a lid on my emotions to hurt others and I hold it in. What’s truly upsetting is the fact that more than a few people know this and yet keep doing the things they do. I’m tired of changing, of trying to amalgamate my feelings to the emotional climate around me.

This could be a blog post uncalled for, but right now, all I really feel like doing is crying my eyes out but I’m in uni’s library forcing myself to finish this chapter before rushing off to accompany someone 45 mins drive away even though I’m mad as hell at said person. Why the fuck do I do this to myself?

It’s all laced with the worst of intentions, but coated with warm honey.

but it’s been awhile since someone’s talked like that to me so thank you for making my night <3

-

the power of lust
of tiny kisses that stay in the pit of my tummy
the reignited passion
will make this a doomed affair

Tonight, I regained faith in men.

Good old-fashioned chivalry is not dead after all. I believe in the distinction of the sexes, that no matter what, women need to be protected and cared for by men. So thank you

There is passion, there is fun-times, and there are times when only the heavens know what you’re doing.

I don’t know if I’m glad or relieved that I’ve told you, and I don’t know if this will change anything but when words come out, in a drunken stupor or not, I can’t take them back.

Last night was an entire blur of a night, and this morning has been an even bigger blur trying to comprehend last night’s situation. I put myself in that situation and I don’t think I would have done anything differently. Call it a desperate cry for help, call it an attempt to find some form of control. Either way, neither was found and I died a little more inside.

At the end of the day, all that matters is happy faces. It’s not just about feeling loved, but about loving with everything that one has.

There’s a select few who’ve really deserve all the love in the world, and to you guys, I pledge my care, concern and love!

when one’s time is up in a certain part of life, one should just move on. i never should have overstayed my time in melbourne, never should have returned. melbourne, you have been great to me! the past 57 months have been amazing. new friends, new bonds, new life. i spent the first years of adulthood breathing your air and i will miss you. but my time is up…

i think when life throws you an entire forest of lemons in a span of a month, it’s time to move on. it might seem escapist but maybe i should have stayed in the comfort and protection of being my daddy’s little girl. melbourne and people here, i’m taking a break from you guys and i will decide if i will decide if i will see my last year here out.

(via micasasucasa)

Inspirating for the room. This looks cozy. Maybe some fairy lights and a white sheath instead of curtains?

I had a mind full of things, of stuff, of problems, of rants… As soon as I opened this page, they just disappeared right into this cold, miserable air.

The only constant in this world is change and I hate it that things aren’t the same, that I can’t take off to Aspen Heights for shelter from the storm inside my head or heart anymore. I accept the fact that we’re all growing up, that we’re moving on with lives and that we’re in each other’s thoughts and hearts, but I just want one day of our past back. Where the LST would sit around, guys getting annoyed with the girls wanting to watch our romantic comedies, and just enjoy each others’ company no matter what we were going through. I don’t know what I’m saying or the point I’m trying to get across. But maybe, just maybe I’m upset that I don’t have K and B in my life the way I want them to be.

The trigger is probably the fact that I’ve sat at my desk for the past 2 hours feeling absolutely down and not know who to call. Thank God for Val’s timely tweet that saved my from having a complete breakdown… I think I need sleep now.
KERRY & BRYAN KOH! GET THE HELL OVER PLEASE? And VAL TAN, I love you! I’m so glad that after so many years, we’ve managed to find each other again, in the unlikeliest of places and have grown closer than before. <3

Home alone on a Saturday night and I realized I have not taken time out for myself in the past few months to just think… To feel. Somehow as I open this page, I’ve lost my train of thought and everything else around it.

A getaway is in order, methinks.