I don’t know anymore if it is a good thing to have experienced most of the world at 23. I don’t know if it’s to my benefit that I’ve lived alone (whether working or just immersing myself in that city for at least 2 months) in a number of foreign places at 23. The experiences have opened my eyes, have changed my view on things, have made me who I am, but at the same time I now feel displaced. I don’t know where home is anymore.

People say that home is where the heart is, but when there’s not all that much heart for one, then what can we say brings us home? I love my dad, and he is in Singapore, but I feel like an outsider in my supposed home country. I don’t feel accepted or like I fit in with the rest of the people back “home”. I like being in Melbourne, but I can’t see myself here forever; there’s just something missing in this place. There’s no… magic, not the magic that gravitates me towards Hong Kong. I’d pick moving to Hong Kong and starting my adult life there, but there’s still something missing.

Am I doing this wrong? Am I looking for something that will never be there? I wonder if my search to find a place for myself is deluded.

I feel lost, I’m 23 and I have no idea what I want to do with my life. My student life ends in less than a year and I’m supposed to know what I want. After all, my dad has invested in me at least a quarter of a million, and all I can say is “I want to be somewhere that feels right to me”.

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

I just want to live like this, even for one day.

credits: missgeorgialeigh

I want to look into someone’s eyes and feel the world melt away from me. I someone who I want to understand, someone who would frustrate the living daylights out of me trying to figure him out.

I just want someone who has the ability to possess all of me, all my heart, shattered pieces included.

credits: personally

I wake up every morning complaining about life and what I’ve been dealt with. I don’t spend enough time appreciating the people around me and what they do for me and how they strengthen and support me. So here, I’d like to thank everyone who’s been here for me

Val, fate has decided that I need you in my life. I’m thankful to have found you again and am keeping you forever. Sorry, you’re stuck with me.

Yang, you’ve been there through everything and anything and the fact that you’re still here is enough said. Love!

Ching, you never fail to nag me to my senses and you’ve never let me go, thank you

My favorite “girls” (A, C, K) you guys know me inside out and upside down and still support me through life. You guys are amazing!!

The bubble family, it hasn’t been long but your acceptance and genuineness never fails to touch me. Thank you <3

K and B, there’s nothing I can say to express my loyalty and love for the both of you, but I can promise you me

Everyone else who’s touched me and been here for me, you are not forgotten. I hope I’ve been as much as a friend you expect me to be, or more. I might get distant, I might get grumpy, but in my heart, I remember everything that you’ve done for me, the moments we’ve shared and the bonds we’ve forged. If I haven’t been a good enough friend to you, I pray that my birthday wish for 2010 comes true right now; that God will grant me the Grace to be a better friend, confidante and person.

]]> http://cherylanne.net/archives/1418/feed 0 http://cherylanne.net/archives/1415 http://cherylanne.net/archives/1415#comments Mon, 05 Jul 2010 08:07:57 +0000 cherylanne http://cherylanne.net/?p=1415

“People don’t want their lives fixed. Nobody wants their problems solved. Their dramas. Their distractions. Their stories resolved. Their messed cleaned up. Because what would they have left? Just the big scary unknown.”

- Chuck Palanuik

So the next time we ask ourselves why we attract drama because we really don’t want to deal with anything, it is just our subconscious speaking.

credits: kathrynfiona

“Satan dreads nothing but prayer… . The Church that lost its Christ was full of good works. Activities are multiplied that meditation may be ousted, and organizations are increased that prayer may have no chance. Souls may be lost in good works, as surely as in evil ways. The one concern of the devil is to keep the saints from praying. He fears nothing from prayerless studies, prayerless work, and prayerless religion. He laughs at our toil, mocks at our wisdom, but trembles when we pray.”

- Samuel Chadwick

there is so much uncertainty, and so much indecision.

being in love with something or someone is different to being in love with the idea of being in love with something or someone.

i say i don’t wanna hate you, but i really do.

tomorrow, i might wake up and be completely over you, but today, right now, i still am crazy for you.

just because i haven’t done or said anything to you does not mean that i have no inkling about what you’ve done and what has happened.

it really annoys the living hell out of me when people tell me they know me, then say something that contradicts that belief.

there are many things i want that i would not give in to.

every time i ask myself why i do a certain thing to myself, i realize the answer is “because i want to be happy, because i want to escape for a little while. to a place where i don’t hear the world or even myself”.