I’m so tired of making sure that everyone’s feelings aren’t hurt. Would anyone think of how I’d feel before they go ahead and do whatever it is they do? Just this month, I’ve held in so much frustration I could implode, but no, no one really cares. I hold it in not because I can’t deal with a confrontation, but rather I do not want to hurt others. I feel a lot… A whole lot of random small things affect me and I don’t want my disorder or inability to keep a lid on my emotions to hurt others and I hold it in. What’s truly upsetting is the fact that more than a few people know this and yet keep doing the things they do. I’m tired of changing, of trying to amalgamate my feelings to the emotional climate around me.

This could be a blog post uncalled for, but right now, all I really feel like doing is crying my eyes out but I’m in uni’s library forcing myself to finish this chapter before rushing off to accompany someone 45 mins drive away even though I’m mad as hell at said person. Why the fuck do I do this to myself?

The one good thing about my courses is that we pick anything we like, and do anything we want. But because I’m always such a smartass, I pick something that is so damn difficult to accomplish. THIS is what I have to listen to for the next few hours till I finish this damn paper.

seems to be the order of the day.

After yesterday’s crazy day, all I want to do is curl up and watch Hannah Montana, which is exactly what I’m doing. It is insane to give in to my desires when I have assignments piling up, but… I can’t.

that stemmed from my recent spat of minor depression is that I may actually get my work completed on time this semester. It’s week one, I’ve done all my readings up to week three and I’m about to start on my ACP major research essay due June 4th!!

Off to uni I go now

First week of the last semester in RMIT as an undergrad.

• draining
• a big ball on mess and confusion
• APC is awesome
• lonely

I am at a loss for words, I can’t express myself and emotions cannot alchemize themselves into words.

Goodnight world

WAS A HORRIFYING EXPERIENCE!

I remember now why I absolutely abhor first days of school – student card update, printing of documents, freshies bumping into you all over the damn university.

I just want to go to bed and not see anyone tomorrow so I don’t have to do the obligatory “OMG HOW HAVE YOU BEEN? MISSED YOU TOO!”

Yes, I’ve reached 500 published posts! Don’t ask me how many private and deleted ones!

I’M FINALLY DONE WITH THIS SEMESTER! YAY

It’s 5.33am now and I’ve just sent my NM blog entries off to the tutor. WOOOHOOOO!

The next hurdle, the LSATS. It’s like the god damn SATS all over

I thought I’d be able to have a rest tonight but I’ve got a debrief at work because I happily left on without passing stuff on. FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK! I’m an IDIOT!

Btw, Nicholas Tse and Daniel Wu are hotttt! Yes, New Police Story and Gen X Cops were streaming while I was working my ass off .

After 11 and a half hours in uni on a beautiful SATURDAY, I’m only almost done. WHY? Because there is no fucking way to screencap on this computer in the lab in building 5. I spent 6 frustrating hours working on the tables to create the site, and I’m about this close to chucking the G4 out of the window. Anyway, check this out, or not. It’s probably the most difficult site to navigate and the music of the first page annoys me but WHATEVER! Spatial montage has successfully ripped my brains apart and infected my cells.

One more day of this insanity then it’s LSAT madness!

Because I’m an expert at overestimating myself, I’m giving myself tomorrow and Sunday to complete 30 blog entries (well really 8 substantial ones) and a hyperlinked essay on spatial montages.

I really do think that I have some form of very terrible mental illness. I’m such a sicko that I actually enjoy the stress of writing a paper that leaves me going round in circles, with no end in sight. As I write this now, I have 2000 words of my Sex and Gender Essay still waiting for me. I’ve been in school since 9am and have only written 500 words, not because I’ve been procrastinating and web-surfing (well maybe a little), but because every time I read my research, I find something new that I have to put into the essay, which then warrants restructuring the whole damn paper. Maybe the issue here is me having an opinion on every thing I have knowledge of. Hence, I blame my dad for bringing me up to have an opinion, and contributing to my insanity. Thanks daddy!

Oh yes, I believe the running around in circles has drained me completely and has hence left me dribbling bits and pieces of nonsense.

xoxo